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For years, I have said that success in any area of life is dependent upon one’s ability to build and maintain healthy relationships. The bookstore is filled with self-help books that promise to teach us how to network so we can get a better job, a promotion, or a single that breaks into the top 80. I haven’t seen books on the topic of “cracking the gospel charts” (even though one might argue the charts are inherently “cracked”). The best book that I have discovered concerning people and relationships is "How To Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Carnegie addresses several techniques in which we can meet other people’s needs, building relationships which in a perfect world would be mutually beneficial. Most people only look for a “connection”, by which they usually mean a casual acquaintance with a person of wealth or power who pulls a favor if one is needed. A relationship however, takes time to develop: it is a quintessential investment in someone other than yourself.

Let me tell you what drives me crazy… networking or “working the room” at the most inappropriate times and places. I mention this first because this is so prevalent in gospel music. Here’s my primary example: A FUNERAL IS NOT AN INDUSTRY EVENT! Please, don’t pass out your business card or give me your new CD while at visitation. I’ve seen this too many times. At Anthony Burger’s funeral, someone stopped Mark Lowry as he was walking down the aisle, and asked for an autograph. I was told that people asked for Ernie Haase’s autograph while standing at the casket of George Younce. I wasn’t there to see these breaches of courtesy, but I don’t doubt that it is true. A point could be made that these incidents involved fans who did not know appropriate behavior during a time of bereavement. This is sometimes true, but at Roger Bennett’s funeral, I saw someone to whom I had not spoken in years. I wanted to speak a few words to him, and then be on my way. As I approached, I could tell that he was in a conversation with someone. I did not want to interrupt, so I stood back for a few minutes. I could not help but over-hear portions of the conversation. A lady was trying to convince my artist friend to join some type of organization. How disrespectful!

Networking should be an enjoyable social practice that enriches our lives. Build relationships and forget about getting connections. Try getting to know someone without wanting something for yourself. It is amazing what people will do for you when you have an honest motive and pure intentions. Trust me: people know when you are just hanging around to see what you can get for yourself. That is what I call “maneuvering.” You know exactly what I am talking about, too. If you don’t, go to NQC next year and spend about three minutes just simply observing. It is like watching crabs in a barrel. I have a single word that describes people who are always maneuvering: "toxic".

Here are a few things that I have learned help build relationships. First and foremost: listen. The classic bore is a person who always talks and seldom listens. Second: stop trying to impress everyone you meet. People know a true professional when they see one. If you’re not a professional yet, but aspiring to be one, just know that you do not have to prove all you know to everyone you meet. When I first moved to town, I had a seasoned producer tell me that it was fine to not always have all the answers. Do not act as If you know something when you don’t. Just know whom to call. That is called humility. Third: everyone seeks some type of validation. Freely give it to people. It took me years to realize that I wasn’t the only person doing good studio work. You have to be secure in yourself to admit that someone is good, or even better at something than you are. Lastly, don’t make occasions like funerals, weddings, or Sunday morning church about you. It is not the time or the place.

Here’s the shameless self-promotion:

Square One Studio celebrates its 15th Anniversary this year. We are commemorating our success by giving back to the people who were quintessential to our success. Two artists will receive a complimentary three days of studio time. All you need to do is visit http://www.SquareOneStudio.com and tell us about you and/or your group. The two winners will be chosen on December 1, 2007.

Reader Comments

Great article, I wish I had written this one.

Deon Unthank
SoGospelNews.com
My Blog

Some people are like Slinkys…  Not really good for anything, but they
still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs -  Author Unknown

This was an excellent thought. The portion that stuck out the most was the part about, and I summarize, getting to know someone before you know what they do. Too often we set out in life to look for the person that will be the stepping stone to our next self established goals. It's amazing the enrichment we could receive by extending a hand of friendship to someone... when that is done, then surely, the returned friendship will be even greater than any "favor" that could be accomplished.

Keep writing like this... its what you do best...

Fantastic...I think I'll have this laminated. Another great point to learn is that it doesn't ALWAYS have to be about you. Sometimes...surprisingly...it just isn't.

Thanks!

Rod

—
Rod Burton

http://www.rodburtonmusic.com
http://www.twitter.com/rodburtonmusic
http://www.bransonGMC.com

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