Love Stories

Author's Website:
http://jimandmelissabrady.com

Obligatory Praise

I recently heard a woman say she gives her boyfriend praise because she feels obligated to do so. She said the only way to keep him happy is to compliment him. She also said she didn’t understand why he’s so needy. To her, picking him seemed to be the compliment and praising him for his good qualities, well, that just seemed like too much to ask.

As I was hearing all of this I kept wondering what the boyfriend would think if he could hear this conversation. I would be crushed if I were to hear that Jim only complimented me to “keep me happy.” When he says I’m pretty, or smart, I feel as if I could fly. If he were doing it out of some sort of obligation, it would just seem patronizing and false.

Thankfully, Jim goes out of his way, on a regular basis, to sincerely let me know he loves and appreciates me. I appreciate that. I need that. We all do.

It’s important to feel validated and loved, especially by your significant other. I think we all understand that. What I think we too often forget is that our significant others need to feel loved and validated by us, as well.

I chose the title “Obligatory Praise” because it’s such an oxymoron. If you’re giving true praise, it’s not because you feel obligated, it’s because you feel love and admiration for the one to whom you’re giving praise.

I found a few great synonyms for praise in my thesaurus: express admiration for, applaud, pay tribute to, speak highly of, eulogize, compliment, congratulate, sing the praises of, rave about...you get the picture.

Imagine standing in church on Sunday morning, raising your hand and saying “I’m praising God now, because that’s what I’m supposed to do.” Although you’re going through the motions, you aren’t really praising God, because praise starts in the heart. It’s a thankful heart that brings me to worship and it’s my love and reverence for God that causes me to raise my hand in praise to Him.

We need to spend time complimenting and appreciating one another. Not because we have to but because we want to, letting our words of praise begin with a heart of love.