July 2, 2007 marked seven cancer-free years since my initial diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. These seven years have been marked by both the highest "mountain-top" highs of victory and the "deepest valley" lows of despair. There have been numerous surgeries, procedures, tests, medications, hospitalizations, even a diagnosis of a new cancer, malignant melanoma, in 2006. Every day brings a new experience, some good, some not so good. Such is life.
My annual follow-up exams and tests are a safe-guard to be ever vigilant should a re-occurrence or new form of cancer arise. I am always a bit on the "nervous side" in the days following my tests, as I await the results to be delivered.
On the afternoon of July 19th, two days after my CT Scan, I received a call at work. My heart sank when I heard my physician's voice on the other end of the line. I have come to know that when my Doctor phones me, there is bad news coming (he graciously allows his "Super-Nurse" Cheryl to phone me with good results). He does the dirty work.
My CAT Scan results showed enlarged lymph nodes in my neck and chest, and ominously, "opacities" in my lungs. Swollen lymph nodes I could deal with, but to hear that something was showing up in my lungs was especially frightening. I may not be the "sharpest knife in the drawer", but I am savvy enough to know what bilateral lung involvement and cancer means. STRIKE ONE!!
As I left work, my eyes began to leak and I once-again experienced that mind-numbing realization of uncertainty that comes when a physician finds something "suspicious" in one's body. It was a long drive home, and an even longer night. I chose to give Cheryl and the family a good nights rest before telling them. I broke the news the next morning, and my eyes leaked again.
Have you ever noticed, Doctor's never find "good" stuff. They always find "bad" stuff. Why can't my Doctor ever find anything like, umm...say, my lost head of hair? Instead, they always go around finding stuff like cancer and such. One of these days, I just know one of them is going to be standing there as I wake up from surgery and say, "I was digging around for your tumor and I found your "lost youth" instead...I reattached it at no extra charge!"
Back to reality, I don't mind telling you this. By now, you all realize that on top of all the physical issues going on in my life, I also have leaky eyes. My eyes leaked for four days. I was convinced "the other shoe" had dropped and it was me that was squashed. It is amazing what you think about when you truly believe your time may be up. Your life gets put on hold while you wait to see if you'll even be around to plant okra next spring. The wait to see my oncologist (cancer Doctor) the next week was excruciating.
We had my Dad's 73rd Birthday party that Sunday evening. I couldn't help but think of how blessed I have been to have had him around for this long. I don't know how I would have gotten by in my life if not for my earthly father. God knew exactly who I needed when he honored me with my Dad. It broke my heart to think about my kid's not having the same. My eyes leaked again, right there in the middle of Cheddars. Man! Life is SO SHORT!
We all said goodbye and disbanded. As they drove away, my eyes leaked one more time. It's a wonder they didn't "rust-shut" somewhere along the way.
When the appointment finally came, my cancer Doctor informed me of what I already basically knew. I had enlarged lymph nodes in my neck and chest and "opacities" in my lungs. Most likely, this was either a re-occurrence of cancer with metastasis (spread) of the disease, a new form of cancer such as lymphoma, or (least likely) an infectious or unknown process. I was scheduled for a PET scan. What's one more test, right?
The reason for doing the PET is this gives the physician a "target" to biopsy or treat and reveals any remote locations of activity that might show up as "hot" spots as well. I secretly hoped for a negative report, meaning no "hot-spots". It is a sobering thought to see the PET Scan sign that says "cancer diagnosis and imaging". You always think cancer is for someone else, not you...even when you have been down this road a couple of times.
A PET scan shows hyper-metabolic activity at the cellular level. Let me write that another way, so I can understand it. It means that any abnormal cell (like cancer) that is working overtime will consume more energy (sugar) than will normal cells. When given a radio-isotope-dextrose solution by IV, then microwaved for 45 minutes, my PET scan films showed my enlarged lymph nodes were "hot", i.e., using high doses of sugar. This result set in motion my next phase, surgical biopsy. STRIKE TWO!!
Cheryl and I left out on Saturday to sing in South Texas. I truly thought it likely this would be our last time to sing together. Again, I know what cancer in both lungs means. I was feeling my world spinning wildly out of control.
Even so, that did not keep us from experiencing God's fullness in our two services on Sunday. In II Corinthians 12:7-10 , Paul writes of a similar situation in his life, where there was given him a thorn in the flesh, "the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8 - For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 - And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."- KJV
When I apply this Scripture to my life, I can fully say the power of Christ rests upon me, for infirmities have surely made themselves known these last seven years. Certainly, if God's grace was sufficient for a man as great as Paul, God's grace is greatly sufficient for little old me, premature baldness, leaky eyes and all.
Monday would bring the darkest, most ominous news yet. As we made our way home that morning, I received a phone call from my Cancer Doctor. She shared a new bit of information that was absolutely devastating. My PET scan report stated that I had "foci" (spots) in my liver, spleen and kidneys. Unbelievable!! I felt as though I might pass out!
This was the lowest point of the last two weeks. This could only be one thing, and that is cancer. It would also indicate the cancer was spread throughout my body and would almost certainly be a fatal, and probably quick, course.
The five-hour ride home brought me to the realization that I had little time left in this life. I began to consider things like my family's finances, how they would manage with me gone. I planned my funeral services in my head and thought of many things I would like to do, if I just had the time. But time stands still for no man, as is said.
When I arrived home that evening, I found a faxed copy of the PET scan report on my machine at home. There was a typographical error in the report. Instead of reading "foci present in the liver spleen or kidneys", it should have read "NO foci present in the liver, spleen or kidneys." During the transcription of the Doctor's dictated report, the transcriptionist had left out the word "No." "No" can be one of the most beautiful words in the English language!! It certainly was this day!! My physician had not picked up on this error and read me the report as it was written. So, after 300 miles of thinking I was consumed by this condition, I came to understand that even with a bad diagnosis, I might be able to have some time to fight.
You know what this mis-typed report meant to me? It meant that Satan is a liar and hates us all. His hatred is so vile he chooses to torment us at every turn. He is, as the Bible says he is "as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour". He chewed on me, but not for long. This is so like his "truth", it is "truth" only in appearance, not in reality. It ALWAYS fades into it's own lies when exposed to God's merciful light. It is in God whom I trust, for he is the one who directs my path.
Isn't this interesting!!?! It gets better, I promise!
On Thursday, August 2, 2007 I underwent a CME procedure. That stands for "Cervical-Mediastinal-Endoscopy". I was placed under "General Anesthesia" (nothing but the top-ranking anesthesia for me) and a couple of lymph nodes were surgically removed, at least that is what I am told. They could have biopsied a pork-chop from the hospital cafeteria cooler for all I knew, but I trust my Surgeon. It's the least you can do to someone about to slit your throat and take your money. I slept through the whole thing, thanks to the "General". I never got to meet him, but I will always be grateful to our military for sending "General Anesthesia" to help me out in my time of need.
I wish I could say I wake up gently from surgery. I do not. I fight the effects of sedation. I am like a mad grizzly bear on "Animal Planet" waking from a sedation-dart-in-the-tush. I begin to growl, grunt and groan. Then I begin to twitch. Then I gnash my teeth and think homicidal thoughts. This is when all sensible medical personnel run for cover. Trust me, it is not a pretty sight. Me awakening from surgery makes beautiful women faint and grown men cry. It makes ugly women faint and cry...but I managed to come awake without being arrested or made to eat hospital food.
As long as I live, I think I will remember the kindness of my nursing staff that day. Literally as my eyes opened, three wonderful ladies exclaimed in near-unison, "Sarcoidosis!! - You don't have cancer!!" I find myself having a hard time writing here, because there is no way someone with my lack of literary skills can full express the emotions experienced in that moment. Suffice it to say, my eyes leaked and I gave God more praise than a Pentecostal with a six-pack of energy drinks, right there in the recovery room. HOME RUN!!
Sarcoidosis is an inflammatory disease that causes granulomas to form in body tissue, most often the lymph nodes of the chest, neck and tissue of the lungs. It is highly treatable. It usually goes away in 2-3 years. I told my physicians I am the only guy in the universe happy to have sarcoidosis today! Ha! I laugh at disease like sarcoidosis, after all, I've survived premature baldness, how bad from here can things really get!?!
Once again, God has shown His mercy to me and those who love me.
I have thought deeply about this event in my life during the last couple of weeks.
I hoped to have something profound for everyone. Sorry. I can't top God.
I thought it might have changed me. It did not. I am still the same. So is God.
I changed when Christ saved me on the cross and then again seven years ago when I first heard the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. I have witnessed to folks throughout our travels that God is His glorious self ALL the time. His goodness does not depend on how things are going in my life. I have a plan, but it is not perfect. God has a plan for me that is. He doesn't usually check in with me to see if the plan is OK before implements it. He's kind of got the "plan" thing worked out. I don't always choose the plan he has for me, but that doesn't mean it's not the best one. It just means I don't know what is always best. Sometimes, I have to adjust my plan. I pray I will always trust his plan, even when I don't understand or comprehend.
My faith in God is unchanged. Had my diagnosis been "Cancer", God would still be God.
He is, and always will be the same. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.
I could be writing from my death bed and God would still be good.
I could be suffering with pain and God would still be marvelous.
I could be groaning in sorrow and God would still be merciful.
I could be alone, feeling forsaken and God would still comfort me.
I could be crying out in the darkness of illness and God would still hear my cry.
No matter what I go through, God is still the same.
No matter my experience, God's will shall prevail.
No matter my desire, His plan is perfect.
These words are from "I Believe In Him", I wrote four years ago:
No matter the cost, I'll pay any price
Though death may await, I give him my life
FOR I BELIEVE IN HIM
Nothing has changed.
Gotta go. My eyes are leaking again.
Dale Golden
The Goldens Gospel Music Ministries
Tyler, TX
http://www.daleandcherylgolden.com
Author: AGM
| Author's Website: http://absolutelygospel.com/
Written: 08/23/2007
| 
Category: Dale's Top Ten
Comments: 3
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Praise the Lord for His unfailing love and kindness! I am so happy for you and the good news that you have received, and I rejoice with you! As you have said, God is still God and He always will be! Your story has touched and blessed my heart, and reading it has made my eyes to leak as well.
Thank you for sharing this inspiring article with us! May God continually enrich and bless your life and give you many more years to serve Him faithfully, while singing His praises!
Amazed in His presence and humbled by His great love!
“God makes everything happen at the right time.” (In His Time) Eccl. 3:11
What wonderful testimony. You continued to minister to others even though your heart was breaking.
That's a great praise report, Dale. Thrilled to learn of your good news. God bless and keep you.
Tony Partigianoni
http://www.ksgm.com/images/gospel.gif
Pure SGM & Quartet-Style Singing
http://www.ksgm.com
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