Dale's Top Ten

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE SOUTHERN GOSPEL (CONTINUED):

10. IF YOU THINK "PLASTIC" IS THE OFFICIAL VARIETY OF CHURCH FLOWER, YOU MIGHT BE SG...

9. IF YOU HAVE EVER FANTASIZED ABOUT USING A CHURCH COLLECTION PLATE AS A FRISBEE, YOU MIGHT BE SG...(real)

8. IF YOU THINK A "CELL PHONE" IS THE ONE DANIEL USED TO CALL ON GOD FROM THE LIONS DEN, YOU MIGHT BE SG...

7. IF YOU HAVE EVER EATEN AT A RESTAURANT WITH A FIBERGLASS COW ON THE ROOF, YOU MIGHT BE SG...(real)

6. IF YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED A "LOVE OFFERING" OF SAUERKRAUT AND FIG PRESERVES, YOU MIGHT BE SG...(real)

5. IF YOU HAVE EVER HELPED CATCH A FROG, A SKUNK OR A SQUIRREL IN THE CHURCH SANCTUARY, YOU MIGHT BE SG...(real)

4. IF YOU HAVE EVER EATEN FRIED CATFISH FOR BREAKFAST, YOU MIGHT BE SG...(real)

3. IF YOU HAVE EVER SANG IN CONCERT TO 0 (THAT'S ZERO, AS IN NONE) PEOPLE, YOU MIGHT BE SG...(real)

2. IF YOU'VE EVER PARKED YOUR PREVOST NEXT TO YOUR 40-YEAR-OLD MOBILE HOME, YOU MIGHT BE SG...(real)

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU MIGHT BE SOUTHERN GOSPEL (CONTINUED):

1. IF YOU HAVE EVER TAKEN YOUR HAIR TO THE DRY CLEANERS, YOU MIGHT BE SG...

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE PREVIOUS "TOP TEN" WAS NOT FUNNY:

10. EARLY SUMMER SUN OVER-EXPOSURE TO BALD HEAD CLOUDS THINKING...

9. FELL AND BROKE MY FUNNY BONE...

8. GLOBAL WARMING...

7. IT'S PRESIDENT BUSH'S FAULT...

6. TRADED SENSE OF HUMOR FOR A GALLON OF GASOLINE...

5. PREVIOUS EDITION WAS THE "LOW-CALORIE" VERSION...

4. ANY RATIONAL REASON ESCAPES ME...

3. "CHUCKLE" JUDGMENT CLOUDED BY DIESEL FUMES...

2. SIX WORDS: NO PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS ON BOARD...

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY THE PREVIOUS "TOP TEN" WAS NOT FUNNY:

1. YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR...

Remember folks, they can't all be gems...

Dale Golden
http://www.daleandcherylgolden.com