This week has been extremely gruesome as I worked long hours getting the new Childress Family Project finished, and still have time to help Susan, Deon, Chris and Amy with the sound on a couple of nights during the SoGospelnews annual convention In Symrna, TN this week. Being a bit drained from way too little sleep has left me a bit crazy and giddy, but has got me to thinking of some crazy and oddly funny things that have been said or happened to us through the years. So in no particular order, here are few of those gems. Hope you folks enjoy.
We were at a huge church in Michigan one evening, at a concert that happened to be a ticketed event, getting ready to sing. The promoter and I were standing out in the lobby greeting the folks as they came through the doors. One little lady walks over to the door entering the sanctuary and notices the table where the tickets were being sold. As she stood there staring at the two people setting behind the table, she could only muster the words “What, what, what”. So, the gentleman setting behind the table said to her, “The ticket prices are $10 each ma’am”. She said as sincere as anyone you might imagine, “I didn’t bring any money, I thought this was a love offering.” I could not help myself, I burst out laughing as it struck me so very funny.
The other night at a concert, we had been setting up the sound in our normal road attire of blue jeans, tennis shoes, and T-shirts. Then later, when we had changed into matching quartet suits and ties and walked back into the building, a gentleman who I know fairly well said “Ben, you guys clean up real nice”. So I have since been wondering if those who sing in blue jeans, T-shirt and tennis shoes are ever told that same thing. Probably not.
A couple years back we were setting up sound for Grand Ole Gospel Reunion in Knoxville, TN. The building was hot as the air had not been turned on, and mostly dark as there were only enough lights on to see how to walk. A condition in performance halls before and after an event that always leaves me wondering “why?” But anyway, this one afternoon when we powered up the system, the main vocal monitor in front was very distorted, an obvious problem. I began to try and solve the problem by looking for shorted speakers leads, or cables not connected properly. In the process, I began un-pluging and bypassing various components, trying to find the root of our problem. Finally I determined that one of our power amplifiers had failed. We always keep a spare, so I began to wire it up to replace the failed amp. All the time doing this I am setting on the floor in that very dark and hot performance hall, with a tiny flashlight in my mouth, trying to see enough to work, while a piano tuner directly behind me played that dreary old tune piano tuners love to drive you crazy with. You know, half step single notes, played one at a time very loudly until your head is about to explode. When I at last got the power amp installed and listened once more to the monitor, to my amazement, the monitor is now totally dead. Not a sound, not even a distorted one as before. So, back to setting on the floor in back of the rack, flashlight in mouth, trying hard to find the problem, which eventually turns out to be an interconnect cable I had forgotten to plug back in. But, in the midst of my frustrations and sheer terror, our former bass singer Charles Brantley, leans over my right shoulder and quietly in my ear asks, “What are we wearing tonight?” Needless to say in my state of mind my response was less than cordial, for which I later gave him a heartfelt “I’m sorry”. To this day, if I ever have to work on our equipment, someone within our group will dig in the spurs once more, (somewhat in honor of Charles I would imagine), and ask me, at the most inappropriate time, “What are we wearing tonight?”
Several years back a group I was once with had just finished packing up, so we left the church. We carried a full band back in those days, and our drummer Chuck Whitby was taking his turn behind the wheel of the bus. Some 10-15 miles out Chuck turns around and tells all of us setting behind him in the front lounge, “I have this strange feeling we left something back at the church.” We began to go over the list of equipment in our minds. Speakers? Yeah got those. Monitors? Yep got those. Guitar amps? Yep loaded those myself, I remember. So on and on down the mental list we went, and no one in our group could think of one single item we had left behind. In fact, everything was accounted for. So on down the road we traveled. Roughly 50 miles later a car pulled up behind the bus and began blinking their lights and honking the horn. Eventually they pulled in front of us and slowed down enough that we could see they definitely wanted us to stop. So, stop we did. And to our amazement out of the back seat came our piano player, Mike Kellough. Now, that would really make a guy feel wanted don’t you think?
Last year we sang at a huge outdoor singing in Oklahoma. There were some 25 groups on the program that evening, and as you might imagine, the singing went well into the early morning hours. All of us were dead on our feet, and ready to lay it down for the evening. As our group gets tired we also get a little crazy and this was just one of those times. Finally, well past 1:00 am we were asked to close out the singing with a few more songs, which we did. Then the emcee asked a gentleman in the audience to close in prayer. He walked to the microphone and began to pray. During his prayer he ran across this one line, “And Lord please bless all these fine singers and Magicians.” To which, I leaned over to Mike our tenor and quietly asked “Magicians?” That of course was all it took to set off a domino effect within our group of uncontrolled muted laughter. One of the hardest things in the world is try and not laugh in a place where it is inappropriate to do so. Needless to say, trying to hold back that laugh was very difficult. When the prayer, mercifully for us, ended, Barry in dry tone said only loud enough for us to hear, “abra-ca-dab-ra-amen” I had to run to the bus where I could laugh out loud without offending anyone. We laughed all the way to the next town, well on the other side of Oklahoma. So much for being tired and giddy.
Driving back home from Texas one night late, Brian Alvey, who was our piano player at the time was taking his turn behind the wheel of the bus, while I caught a nap in the bunk. Somewhere along the way, Trevor came back to me and told me a State Trooper had pulled us over. So I got dressed and walked to the front of the bus. Brian had already moved from the driver’s seat to a sofa in the front lounge. So, I sat down in the driver’s seat waiting for the outcome of the traffic stop. During this time Charles, our bass back then, had decided to walk back to the Trooper’s car to see if he could defuse any problem that might have been coming our way. I then heard Charles’ voice as he came toward the front of the bus, “Brian, the State Trooper wants to talk to the driver.” It had never dawned on me that my sitting in the driver’s seat would indicate that I had been driving, Heaven forbid, the Trooper might think for a moment we were trying to switch driver’s on him. The Trooper stepped into the front of the coach, and with his flashlight began to survey the guys sitting in the front lounge. The he turned to me and asked to see my driver’s license, which I immediately provided for him. He said, “You guys were driving a little fast and you need to slow it down. Don’t let me catch you driving that fast in Texas again.” Which I told him “No Sir, I will slow it down.” Now, this was all done as innocently as possible, but had he thought we were trying to switch drivers on him, we would have likely spent the night in a Texas jail somewhere. I can just see the headlines on SoGospelnews.com the next day, “Southern Sound Quartet arrested for illegal conduct while traveling through Texas.” As it turned out I think I drove the remaining miles out of Texas, at roughly 45 miles per hour, and with both hands on the wheel!
There are a lot of things that happen to a group as they travel. Some are not so funny at all, and others are so crazy funny that they become the stuff of legends. God never intended for us to go through life with a long face and a frown, but instead He wanted us to experience the joy in Serving Him. Part of that joy is to be able to laugh at one’s self and at the situation you find yourself in. JD Sumner once said, “If you were an idiot before you got saved, you still an idiot after you get saved. God doesn’t fix stupid.” There’s just a whole lot of truth in that!
Until next time,
Ben Harris
Southern Sound Quartet
http://www.southernsoundquartet.com
Author: Ben Harris
| Author's Website: www.southernsoundquartet.com
Written: 08/04/2009
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Category: Sound Advice
Comments: 5
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“I didn’t bring any money, I thought this was a love offering.”
Great stories! I needed a good laugh. Can I add one?
During a Church Concert we were Singing at,the Front Man for our Group ask each one in the Group to give his personal Testimony. When it came to the Baritone's time he said he was looking forward to the Lords returning and if he came Tonight he would'nt have to load all of this heavy Equipment back on the Bus.
SoundMan
Thanks Ben for those funnies. I certainly enjoyed them.
peace & grace,
preacherp
A year or so out of High School, I sang with a friend at his church. I was at his church one evening and sat with him and some of the youth group there in the back like good Methodists.
The sanctuary was about the size of an average Country church I would say. When we sang the congregational hymns one voice was heard reverberating way above all the others in the church. It was a lady who was extremely nasal singing "when the roll is called up yonderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. " I though "okay then." I did okay until my friend asked out loud "who is that singing yonderrrrrrrrrrrrrr" imitating her nasal singing. We all started laughing holding in as much as we could. Every time I would start to compose myself I would either hear her or his impression of her and start to lose it again. I felt really bad, but as I type this I am smiling, almost chuckling and starting to get tears in my eyes.
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